The Mom Lap

Sitting at church on Sunday is not as easy at may seem... when you are a mother.  For several years, my husband sat up at the front, but now that he has a different job at church he sits with us when he is there.  Anyway, so my husband sits there at the end of the row, an effective tool to keep them in our row.  They leave him alone, and he is able to listen to the talks.  Me on the other hand...
My 4 year old girl sits on my lap.  My 1 1/2 year old sees his sister on my lap and now he wants to sit on my lap.  Sooo I set my Tegan down on the chair next to me and pick up my baby.  Tegan starts crying because she wants to sit on my lap.  I say ok, I have two legs.  I put one on one leg and one on the other while attempting to keep my skirt down that they keep pulling up.  It is fine for about 2 minutes.  Then they start pushing each other, but I keep trying to readjust the baby to keep the peace and restore reverence.  Finally, I give up and tell my 4 year old it is not working and she needs to sit in her own chair.  She mopes but accepts it.  About a minute after she is no longer on my lap, my baby decides he no longer needs to be on my lap.  He climbs down and walks over to his big brother. A couple minutes of freedom...  I think I heard at least a couple of sentences.  Then my little girl gets excited that no one is on my lap and plops herself back on my lap.  This, of course, leads to my baby screaming and running back to my lap.  So I put Tegan back onto her chair and tell her I am so sorry but she cannot sit on my lap because it makes the baby scream.  Then I have a genius idea.  I suggest she go sit on Grandmas lap who is on the other side of the chapel.  At first she says no, but as she sees the baby on my lap, she reconsiders.  She goes over to Grandma and sits on her lap.  I think victory!  She is getting points with Grandma and the problem is solved... for a few minutes.  Baby gets bored of my lap and climbs down.  I am trying to listen to get something out of the service.  So I don't notice too much when my six year old comes over and sits on my lap.  Of course fine for a minute or two, but then the screaming is back as baby brother notices someone is on my lap.  Ugg.
Now, what did they talk about at church today? ...I have no idea.