I ran across this song today, Demons by Imagine Dragons. I am definitely not on top of it with the latest music, but I noticed this band recently received a grammy for "Radioactive" which I had heard before, so I was looking up what other songs they had. I thought the song "Demons" was a dark song, but cool and real and it touched me.
I remember going to Walmart for the first time after Gordon died. It was kind of a surreal experience. I remember walking through the store wondering how people could just walk around like everything was normal when for me it no longer was. I wondered who knew what had just happened to me and if something like this could happen to me what things have happened to them. I ran into someone I knew and we had a somewhat normal conversation, I can't remember what about, I got what I needed and left. I wasn't ready to drive yet, so my husband was waiting in the car for me.
We all walk through life and have our own hidden 'demons'. We all have hard things that we go through, and that hurt, so what I get from this is be kind. You don't know what someone is going through, so don't be quick to judge them.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Work it Out With Words... a Miracle Mommy Moment
Sunday, January 19, 2014
The Mom Lap
Sitting at church on Sunday is not as easy at may seem... when you are a mother. For several years, my husband sat up at the front, but now that he has a different job at church he sits with us when he is there. Anyway, so my husband sits there at the end of the row, an effective tool to keep them in our row. They leave him alone, and he is able to listen to the talks. Me on the other hand...
My 4 year old girl sits on my lap. My 1 1/2 year old sees his sister on my lap and now he wants to sit on my lap. Sooo I set my Tegan down on the chair next to me and pick up my baby. Tegan starts crying because she wants to sit on my lap. I say ok, I have two legs. I put one on one leg and one on the other while attempting to keep my skirt down that they keep pulling up. It is fine for about 2 minutes. Then they start pushing each other, but I keep trying to readjust the baby to keep the peace and restore reverence. Finally, I give up and tell my 4 year old it is not working and she needs to sit in her own chair. She mopes but accepts it. About a minute after she is no longer on my lap, my baby decides he no longer needs to be on my lap. He climbs down and walks over to his big brother. A couple minutes of freedom... I think I heard at least a couple of sentences. Then my little girl gets excited that no one is on my lap and plops herself back on my lap. This, of course, leads to my baby screaming and running back to my lap. So I put Tegan back onto her chair and tell her I am so sorry but she cannot sit on my lap because it makes the baby scream. Then I have a genius idea. I suggest she go sit on Grandmas lap who is on the other side of the chapel. At first she says no, but as she sees the baby on my lap, she reconsiders. She goes over to Grandma and sits on her lap. I think victory! She is getting points with Grandma and the problem is solved... for a few minutes. Baby gets bored of my lap and climbs down. I am trying to listen to get something out of the service. So I don't notice too much when my six year old comes over and sits on my lap. Of course fine for a minute or two, but then the screaming is back as baby brother notices someone is on my lap. Ugg.
Now, what did they talk about at church today? ...I have no idea.
My 4 year old girl sits on my lap. My 1 1/2 year old sees his sister on my lap and now he wants to sit on my lap. Sooo I set my Tegan down on the chair next to me and pick up my baby. Tegan starts crying because she wants to sit on my lap. I say ok, I have two legs. I put one on one leg and one on the other while attempting to keep my skirt down that they keep pulling up. It is fine for about 2 minutes. Then they start pushing each other, but I keep trying to readjust the baby to keep the peace and restore reverence. Finally, I give up and tell my 4 year old it is not working and she needs to sit in her own chair. She mopes but accepts it. About a minute after she is no longer on my lap, my baby decides he no longer needs to be on my lap. He climbs down and walks over to his big brother. A couple minutes of freedom... I think I heard at least a couple of sentences. Then my little girl gets excited that no one is on my lap and plops herself back on my lap. This, of course, leads to my baby screaming and running back to my lap. So I put Tegan back onto her chair and tell her I am so sorry but she cannot sit on my lap because it makes the baby scream. Then I have a genius idea. I suggest she go sit on Grandmas lap who is on the other side of the chapel. At first she says no, but as she sees the baby on my lap, she reconsiders. She goes over to Grandma and sits on her lap. I think victory! She is getting points with Grandma and the problem is solved... for a few minutes. Baby gets bored of my lap and climbs down. I am trying to listen to get something out of the service. So I don't notice too much when my six year old comes over and sits on my lap. Of course fine for a minute or two, but then the screaming is back as baby brother notices someone is on my lap. Ugg.
Now, what did they talk about at church today? ...I have no idea.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Christmas Was a Little Different This Year
Last Christmas we were planning to go to my home in Missouri, but when the accident happened I knew I couldn't do it. Everyone came here for Gordon's funeral, the Friday before Christmas. We were surrounded by family and people kept showing up giving us food and flowers. It was a huge whirlwind. This year was different and I knew it would be and I knew it would be hard. I wanted it to be different and kept trying to think as time got closer how I could make it memorable and happy.
When Typhoon Haiyan hit the Phillipines at the beginning of November, I didn't know it was coming. After it hit, my friend whose family lives there messaged me about how worried she was about her family. They all live in Tacloban. She hadn't been able to contact them. A week later, she still had no word. Finally, through others, she found out they were alive. They lived through waiting out the storm in the rafters of a church building as the church building itself became flooded with 3 feet of water. Her brother had gone back to check on their home. He was able to wait out the storm on the roof of house. Miraculously the roof did not collapse after much of the rest of the building in fact was washed away. He was able to save 5 people by pulling them up onto the roof. Other people that called to him, he could not reach and was unable to save. Her family lost everything. Their home and all their earthly possessions... gone. More devastating. Many of their friends didn't make it. Including one of her best friends three children. My heart ached for them.
I think no matter what we have gone through, it is nothing compared to what these families are going through right now.
She told me of the stockpiling that was happening. Her sister with a six month old baby was declined food even though there was tons. She was able to raise 300 dollars to send from her customers at the restaurant she works at. She said it would help. There were and are still so many that need help.
I knew I couldn't do much but I could help her family get some basic necessities and help them feel that someone cares before Christmas. I sat down with my family and we had a talk. First I talked with my husband. We decided not to give each other gifts this year. Then I talked to my oldest. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He wanted an iPod. I told him he deserved that, but our friend's family in the Philipines had just lost everything. I asked him if he would rather have an iPod or give to this family who didn't have anything. He said he wanted to give to the family. I talked to the rest of the kids and though I didn't think they fully understood, they agreed to give to this family. We didn't have an extraordinary budget for Christmas this year since we are close to the end of building a home and have not sold our current home yet. But we decided as a family to give our Christmas budget to this family. We have all our necessities and did not need any more toys. My friend lives two hours away, so I mailed her a check so she could wire it to her family. I let my oldest put it in the mailbox. He said, "Mom, this will be the best Christmas ever. I feel so happy right now." He is such a great kid.
As Christmas got closer, I was getting a little nervous. I wasn't giving my kids any toys for Christmas. I got them each a couple books and Santa was bringing pyjamas and of course would fill their stockings with candy and toothbrushes and Christmas oranges. I am sure that this family in the Philipines doesn't have nearly this much, so I probably shouldn't have been anxious.
On the anniversary of Gordon's death on Dec. 14th, my SIL in California called and we talked for a long time. One of the things I mentioned was what we were doing this Christmas and how I was getting a little nervous about how the kids would react.
Well, with only a couple days before Christmas, I started getting packages in the mail. Something for each of our kids and something for our family. My SIL had e-mailed my siblings and together they sent us gifts. I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first, but it eased my tension about Christmas coming. We did our normal traditions. Got together with my husband's family that lives here. Sang songs, watched nativity movies, played games, and ate lots of food. Christmas morning came, I woke up to the sound of heaving. Tegan was sick with the stomach flu, but she was very excited as were the other kids about the presents under the tree. They weren't expecting anything and they were so happy. I feel like it is a miracle. We were able to help someone who really needed it, and we were helped as well.
It still wasn't an easy holiday. Just about everyone got sick with something in our family, flu, strep throat, and colds. My husband was having a hard time emotionally through the holidays, but we made it through and the kids were happy and I imagine next year will be better. There is much to look forward to in the New Year.
When Typhoon Haiyan hit the Phillipines at the beginning of November, I didn't know it was coming. After it hit, my friend whose family lives there messaged me about how worried she was about her family. They all live in Tacloban. She hadn't been able to contact them. A week later, she still had no word. Finally, through others, she found out they were alive. They lived through waiting out the storm in the rafters of a church building as the church building itself became flooded with 3 feet of water. Her brother had gone back to check on their home. He was able to wait out the storm on the roof of house. Miraculously the roof did not collapse after much of the rest of the building in fact was washed away. He was able to save 5 people by pulling them up onto the roof. Other people that called to him, he could not reach and was unable to save. Her family lost everything. Their home and all their earthly possessions... gone. More devastating. Many of their friends didn't make it. Including one of her best friends three children. My heart ached for them.
I think no matter what we have gone through, it is nothing compared to what these families are going through right now.
She told me of the stockpiling that was happening. Her sister with a six month old baby was declined food even though there was tons. She was able to raise 300 dollars to send from her customers at the restaurant she works at. She said it would help. There were and are still so many that need help.
I knew I couldn't do much but I could help her family get some basic necessities and help them feel that someone cares before Christmas. I sat down with my family and we had a talk. First I talked with my husband. We decided not to give each other gifts this year. Then I talked to my oldest. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He wanted an iPod. I told him he deserved that, but our friend's family in the Philipines had just lost everything. I asked him if he would rather have an iPod or give to this family who didn't have anything. He said he wanted to give to the family. I talked to the rest of the kids and though I didn't think they fully understood, they agreed to give to this family. We didn't have an extraordinary budget for Christmas this year since we are close to the end of building a home and have not sold our current home yet. But we decided as a family to give our Christmas budget to this family. We have all our necessities and did not need any more toys. My friend lives two hours away, so I mailed her a check so she could wire it to her family. I let my oldest put it in the mailbox. He said, "Mom, this will be the best Christmas ever. I feel so happy right now." He is such a great kid.
As Christmas got closer, I was getting a little nervous. I wasn't giving my kids any toys for Christmas. I got them each a couple books and Santa was bringing pyjamas and of course would fill their stockings with candy and toothbrushes and Christmas oranges. I am sure that this family in the Philipines doesn't have nearly this much, so I probably shouldn't have been anxious.
On the anniversary of Gordon's death on Dec. 14th, my SIL in California called and we talked for a long time. One of the things I mentioned was what we were doing this Christmas and how I was getting a little nervous about how the kids would react.
Well, with only a couple days before Christmas, I started getting packages in the mail. Something for each of our kids and something for our family. My SIL had e-mailed my siblings and together they sent us gifts. I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first, but it eased my tension about Christmas coming. We did our normal traditions. Got together with my husband's family that lives here. Sang songs, watched nativity movies, played games, and ate lots of food. Christmas morning came, I woke up to the sound of heaving. Tegan was sick with the stomach flu, but she was very excited as were the other kids about the presents under the tree. They weren't expecting anything and they were so happy. I feel like it is a miracle. We were able to help someone who really needed it, and we were helped as well.
It still wasn't an easy holiday. Just about everyone got sick with something in our family, flu, strep throat, and colds. My husband was having a hard time emotionally through the holidays, but we made it through and the kids were happy and I imagine next year will be better. There is much to look forward to in the New Year.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 Year in Review
2013 was a not the easiest year for us. But through the tragic loss of our sweet seven year old, we still made many happy memories. Life has not stopped for us and in many ways it is a new beginning. Gordon has motivated us to do many things that we may not have otherwise done.
Gordon is our guardian angel and inspiration. I am sure he is being a big helper up in heaven welcoming everyone there with his giant grin and the best hugs. I can't wait to get one of those hugs again one day.
Our cat enjoyed all the flowers and cards everyone sent us. We were overwhelmed with the love that was outpoured from our friends and family at the beginning of the year.
We have a house that is being built that is taking forever. It has been over two years.
We keep thinking it will be done soon, so at the beginning of the year we did some renovations on our current home to get it ready to put up for sale.
Our Jamin turned 11. Just an all around great kid. A great helper and good example to his younger siblings. He enjoys playing squash, swimming, the piano, and soccer. He also likes building things and doing fun activities with his scout troop. His favourite subject is math. He wants to be an engineer when he grows up. We are glad that he is part of our family.
Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. We loved having them and wish they would move here! I have a feeling the don't always like the weather here, though. It just happens to be colder than the North pole today.
Matthew and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary. Love this man that has held me together and given me someone to confide in this past emotional year.
The day after our anniversary is Dallin's birthday. He is a big 1 year old now! He loves his older siblings, his cousins, his blankie, his thumb, and long naps. When he is not napping, he is a super silly fun guy. He loves slides, trampolines, balls, blocks, and tickles. Dallin brings so much joy to our family and we are so glad he is part of it.
My family had a reunion in South Carolina.
We had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed the beach and seeing the fireworks from our hotel room.
Neil turned 6 years old. Neil is full of questions. He loves learning, swimming, skating, playing the piano and hugs. His favourite thing is playing Minecraft on the iPad. Luckily, it is great motivation to get him to do anything that he needs to do. Neil wants to be a policeman when he grows up. Neil is a sweety pie and we love that he is part of our family.
September long weekend we went camping with a bunch of friends. It was good times. We hadn't been camping as a family for a long time, so it was a big deal for us. We look forward to doing it again next year.
Once again, the kids started school. Jamin in 6th grade, Neil in 1st, and Tegan in preschool. They all love school and are doing well.
I ran my second half marathon. I came in third place, same as last year. The kids ran part of it with me. It was a good time.
In October, we took three weeks off and went to Disney World! It was fantastical. Matthew had an optometric convention there, so we all decided to go. We went to the four kingdoms, the two water parks twice and spent a day at Universal. My little brother was able to meet up with us as well. He was so helpful. It was awesome.
We were able to swing by my parent's home on the way back to Canada and we were able to visit for a couple days.
Halloween is a fun time for the kids to dress up and for the second year in a row, I put together a story with my sister in-law for our kids.
Jamin had the lead in his school Christmas concert. He was Santa and sang a solo and everything. I smiled the whole time. He was great. He had to try out for the part and after he did his audition, all the other kids said, "Well, I guess we know who Santa will be." He is quite the little entertainer.
Matthew has been specializing in vision therapy for quite a while and has recently opened a brand new clinic.
The grand opening will be happening in a week. This is very exciting as it will likely be the best equipped clinic of this kind in Canada. Gordon was a bright child but had some challenges that made some things in school difficult for him. He had been assessed and was scheduled to start vision therapy in January of this year. After Gordon died, we knew that the new clinic should be named after him since he was a major influence in Matthew pursuing this course in his career. This will be a clinic that will help children and adults with many different vision disorders.
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